Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
