I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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