He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
