i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
