It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
