Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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