Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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