For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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