Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have post one night stand depression
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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