in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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