I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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