Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
