Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
