I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
