But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
