I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
