Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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