I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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