When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
as a side note pls kill me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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