remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize