Already got asked if we're dating
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
