Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
