Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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