I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
