You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize