Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
