Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
