he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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