i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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