Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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