At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
