At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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