Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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