Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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