i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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