Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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