we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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