Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
