Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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