I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
