Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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