today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize