I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
