He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
