Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
