guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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