we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
