If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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