I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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