Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
