I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
