She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His hands were made for my vagina.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
