was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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