just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
