How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
