I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Boobs speak an international language.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
