He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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