I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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