you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
