I bet he comes in French.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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