so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize