great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
