Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
