Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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