dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
