I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
