roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
