That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
