I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
