dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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