Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
