____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
