hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
