So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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