your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
MIDGETS
????
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
