I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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