you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
