Do you still have your period?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
